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english"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.